I went to see Rodin's work at the Standford campus on Easter. It was amazing the way he is able to capture the soul in his work. That is what makes it brilliant. There is feeling and soul that trescend in his work.

My cousin lost his soul yesterday. Took a shotgun to his head. One shot.

BOLDNESS

"There is no more liberating, no more exhilarating experience than to determine one's position, state it bravely, and then to act BOLDLY."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Boldness is a spirited word that eloquently describes bravery. It takes a great deal of boldness to confront and tackle difficult issures with a straightforward approach.

I am willing to challenge and constantly question even the existence of my comfort zone, trying new ideas, and willing to attempt the seemingly impossible. I wish to reach the upper echelon of success (as defined by me) which I know takes acting boldly. Thriving each day to be better than the next and taking the risks and actions that others are often too afraid to attempt.

Boldness comes when I begin to make valued decisions and move forward for what I believe in. By challenging individual growth and creating goals that bring clarity to my dreams and energy that revitalizes my mind, body, and spirit.

The strength to act boldly comes from within. I am facing a difficult decision. I am trying to decide whether I want to take action or not. This is where the spirit of boldness comes into play

Any action I take and do not take is an opportunity within myself to grow in life. I wish to have an impact on the world around me, and to be a part of. l don't want an opportunity to pass my in life becuase I am afraid or lack courage to change.

Boldness is the ability to dare to do those difficult things. it means standing out from the crowd. Sometimes a bold act may never be popular, but that does not diminish the fact it maybe the right thing to do for myself. I am feeling like this right now. I know it will take much courage to proceed and stay on my path. It is own my own actions will change, or better, ourselves.
Choosing was is right and good for me seems of daunting proportion. But when we step int o God's light to the proportions diminish and I hope I can face the obstacles in front of me with assurance.

In the years to come, the choices I make will impact my journey. The knowledge of this can be overwheming and paalyzing. It is only with GOD's Grace will I be able to move to the next step.
Propelled by the need to be the best I can be, the need to innovate constantly or perish, learning will be the essential hedge against extinction.

Operating with Integrity

Main Entry: in·teg·ri·ty
Pronunciation: in-'te-gr&-tE
Function: noun

1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : INCORRUPTIBILITY
2 : an unimpaired condition : SOUNDNESS
3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : COMPLETENESS
synonym see HONESTY



If one's values are in line with one another,
one is operating with integrity,
and coming from a place of truth and compassion.
This requires self examination and a keen sense of self.

This requires, from both, 100% honesty and committment and singular focus and willingness to do whatever it takes to continue to have integrity in the relationship.

However, if you are compromising "self", agreeing to things that are not you own truth, you are operating without integrity.

One can lie to oneself for awhile ....calming the waters
but it will not sustain....
The next wave of discontent, dissatisfaction,resentment etc.
will inevitably wash over you sooner then later.

Hiding avoiding, capitulating, denying are easiter to do
once you have laid the foundation with compromise.

Operating with Integrity

Main Entry: in·teg·ri·ty
Pronunciation: in-'te-gr&-tE
Function: noun

1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : INCORRUPTIBILITY
2 : an unimpaired condition : SOUNDNESS
3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : COMPLETENESS
synonym see HONESTY


If one's values are in line with one another,
one is operating with integrity,
and coming from a place of truth and compassion.
This requires self examination and a keen sense of self.

This requires, from both, 100% honesty and committment and singular focus and willingness to do whatever it takes to continue to have integrity in the relationship.

However, if you are compromising "self", agreeing to things that are not you own truth, you are operating without integrity.

One can lie to oneself for awhile ....calming the waters
but it will not sustain....
The next wave of discontent, dissatisfaction,resentment etc.
will inevitably wash over you sooner then later.

Hiding, avoiding, capitulating, denying are easier to do
once you have laid the foundation with unhealthy self compromise.

Sometimes, the garden is so choked with weeds there is little or no healthy life left. You can weed the garden ..one at a time...take the nicks, scratches, cuts and bruises..get it done and start planting all over.

Relationships build on the accumulation of small, loving, caring things we do each day. Then there is an aggregate of those behaviors and they build a reserve so that when you think of your loved one you think positive, loving thoughts.

If you truly feel that you have come to dislike a person- that they are not for you, are not similar enough in values, or are a source of disdain and negative self thoughts - then end it.

However, if you can still feel those wonderful positive feelings and think good thoughts about the other after a good weekend or an afternoon at the park - you are likely very resilient and have the capacity to create an even stronger partnership.

Its far easier to destroy a relationship than it is to build one.

Love is a very selfish and narcissistic experience.

We are drawn to people that value us. We need to learn to sustain those periods of time when we are the sources of our partner's unhappiness. It is never really that we are the source - it is that our partners want us to feel differently about them. This goes on in all relationships. The defenses then build and we avoid the soul searching confrontation with a loved one. Searching the soul will cement your friendship and love more than anything in a relationship.

This path I am traveling on feels hard
right now I am doing the best I can
I have spent too much time in the shadows
awaking from my slumber I am in search of the light

I have been reaching high climbing mountains
but I have many more miles to go
my journey has only just begun

I put my trust in god
knowing he will guide me
hoping he will not let me down
before I take another step
before I have more regret
I pray for redemption

Although I may travel far
I hold a place in my heart for you
all the sweetness I feel for you
all the dreams I have for us

There are three fundamental rules that all wisdom traditions say will help us accomplish our task, if we follow them.

The first is to be cautious about materialism: Don't want too much. Live Modestly.

The second is to dedicate yourself to something you believe in, something you think is beautiful and important.

The third is to commit yourself to a personal spiritual practice that you can follow every day, even if just for a few minutes. Devote some part of your day to sitting in silence and saying 'Here I am. Guide me.' The point is that if we search outside ourselves for the meaning of life, we'll probably never find it. But if we center ourselves and look for meaning in life, we'll find that it's waiting for us right here in the present moment.
- Bo Lozoff

Right now I am feeling sad, meloncholy, bored, defeated, unhappy, beaten down.


SONGS that describe my mood:
Where Is The Love
The First Cut Is The Deepest
I Hate Everything About You
Hotel California

This works all describe an emotional state of loniless, and self-hatred.
Where is the love of myself. I feel that I have lost my way and abandoned myself. I don't know what I want or don't know who I am.

Thoughts from the hip

I wish..
I wish that I new what I wanted. I wish I could change my life, and find the one thing that I really care about that gives my life meaning.

I hope..
I hope that I can figure out what it is, and have the courage to explore myself and make the changes it will take to get there.

I angry that..
I am angry that I don't know what I want. I feel "wishy, washy". I feel unhappy about how I look, and what I have become. A character of medicore who clings to a job becacuse I am afraid, and I don't know what I want. I am angry that I am not making changes. I am angry for all the time I spend on the couch.

I am sad..
I am sad that I don't know who I am, and what I want. I am sad that I feel very dumb.

I am happy about..
Good question:) I am happy that I have my health and my problems are those of "high society". I have food, and a roof over my head. All of my basic needs are taken care of.

If it weren't so embarrassing, I'd feel...
If it weren't so embarrassing, I'd feel depressed.

Even though it's stupid, I feel..
Even though it's stupid, I feel fat and stupid, and undesirable as a friend, lover and employee.

A quizz to see where I am on the happiness scale.

1. I feel proud of my accomplishments
Sometimes

2. Things just seem to work out for me
Sometimes

3. I take time for myself
Sometimes

4. People seem to enjoy being around me
Sometimes

5. I feel deeply understood
Sometimes

6. I do things I loved when I was a kid
Rarely

7. I'm flooded with love for other people
Rarely

8. I REALLY like myself
Sometimes

9. I love my body
Rarely

10. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude
Rarely

What is true happiness?
I am not sure

What would it feel like?
I am not sure

What would it look like?
I am not sure

"If you always do what interests you, then at least one person will be pleased."